Remember
by CaptainOzone
Summary: Elsa was nine winters old when she first met him. He promised to come back to see her as often as he could, and she gave him a promise in exchange. It wasn't until she was twenty-one that she understood the promise she made. A Jelsa oneshot from Elsa's POV.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Frozen or Rise of the Guardians.

**A/N**: This was written as a gift for MildeAmasoj, one of my dear friends. I never ever would have thought I'd have so much fun writing Elsa, but dang, did I!

Please let me know if you catch any mistakes! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. :D

* * *

><p>Elsa was nine winters when he first appeared.<p>

She remembered laying in bed, staring at the little white gloves her father had given her earlier that evening.

_Conceal. Don't feel, _he had said warmly as she put them on for the first time. He hadn't been afraid to touch her then. She curled into a tighter ball, snuggling further under the blankets. Sleep wouldn't come easy tonight, she was sure. _Conceal. Don't feel. Don't let…_

With a gasp, she noticed frost accumulating on the nightstand, and she shot up out of bed, yanking the gloves on without hesitation.

As she took several deep breaths, all evidence of her lack of control faded away to nothing, and she stared at her trembling hands.

She didn't know how long she sat there, but she would never forget what it was that made her look up.

A tap at the window. A flutter of snow. A burst of winter air…

His hair was white as starlight, his skin, as creamy as milk. He had the bluest eyes she'd ever seen, and he carried with him a crooked shepherd's staff. He was so light and quiet on his feet that, for a moment, she thought him a fairy. As beautiful as he was, it wasn't that far of a stretch. Later, she would learn that she wasn't too far from the truth at all.

But at that moment, she knew nothing of this boy. Her brain caught up, and she realized his appearance wasn't just a figment of her imagination. A strange boy had just climbed in through her bedroom window—thief, kidnapper, she couldn't be sure—so of course she threatened to call for the few guards her parents still had in their employment. She would have made good on the threat, too, if his actions hadn't frightened her into silence.

If he noticed the ice beginning to creep along the floor, he said nothing of it. Instead he stared at her, fixating her with those vivid eyes of his, and before she could draw a breath, he babbled and cried and pulled her into his arms, hugging her close.

He clung to her as though he were drowning, and the shock of it made her pause. She had not let someone hug her like that for a long time, not since she…

Not since she hurt Anna.

So, without considering the consequences or the logic behind it, she clung to him and cried too, for he was the first person to remind her of true warmth in years.

When they pulled away and saw they had frozen the tears on each other's faces, they fully realized they were of a kind.

Things began to change then, and Elsa found herself happier than she had been in a long time. She might not have had Anna, but she did have Jack. Over the next few days, Jack told her his story, and she told him hers.

"Gloves aren't going to help forever, Elsa," he laughed when he saw them.

When her face flushed with shame and she turned away from him, he crouched before her and murmured, "Elsa, look at me."

She blinked up at him, and gently, he removed the gloves, ignoring all protest. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest, and she tried to make him get away, before she could hurt him, before she—

He covered her hands with his and smiled. "You're not going to hurt me. Look, Elsa." He removed one hand to form a crystal of ice before her eyes. It dropped to her palm, and as he curled her fingers over it. he said, "What we can do…it can be beautiful, Elsa. We can do great things, amazing things. We can bring laughter and joy and fun."

"But we can do great evil, too," she whispered.

Jack sighed. "Winter…winter is the cruelest of seasons, I will not lie, but we were given these gifts for a reason. We chose what to do with them—that's what matters."

"But I—"

"Elsa, did you mean to hurt your sister?"

"Of course not!" she exclaimed, indignant. "I love her."

"Then you shouldn't be afraid of what evils _can_ be done…when your heart is pure." He poked her chest, right over her heart. "Your heart won't lead you astray. Fear will."

She did not know how to respond, but she thought he must have had a sibling in his previous life and couldn't help but tell him so. He stared at her, eyes losing some of their inner light, making him look as old as he claimed to be, but in an instant, his expression morphed before her eyes. He grinned crookedly and dropped a snowball on her head, making her laugh and chase after him.

That conversation was one of many they had over the few months he spent in Arendelle. Elsa felt more in control than ever, and she could not remember having more fun. Her only regret was that Anna could not join them, but even so, she refused every time Jack said he'd be okay if she asked Anna to play with them. She knew that was only in part because Jack wanted to see if her fun-loving and vibrant sister could see him too.

But that would mean she'd have to explain the magic to her sister, and that was something she'd been forbidden to do.

All good things, however, had to come to an end. It made her heart ache, and she cried when he wasn't around, but she understood. Jack had to go, and after he promised to return to visit, he jokingly asked for a promise in exchange.

It took a moment for Elsa to decide what to promise. "I promise I'll remember."

"Remember what?"

"Everything."

~…~

And she did remember. She remembered so much it hurt, and every time she thought she might forget, she clutched at the magic ice crystal he'd left her. She felt his absence keenly, and with every passing day, she wished him to return so that they might talk and laugh together again.

She had never missed him more than ever before when she realized her powers were getting stronger…and she was losing control again.

She was twelve winters, then, and that's when she met Jack a second time.

"Getting upset only makes it worse," her father tried to soothe. "Calm down."

He took a step toward her, and she flinched away. "No, don't touch me!" When her parents' eyes flickered with pain, she lowered her volume. "Please," she begged in a trembling voice. Fear threatened to overwhelm her. "I don't want to hurt you."

It wasn't until they left, just barely able to console their daughter, that she saw him standing silently in the corner, his eyes sad and happy all at once.

"You forgot, Elsa," he sighed, but she couldn't correct him and say that she did remember—she truly did—because she could not speak. Joy bubbled within, and she launched herself at him, hardly aware that the frost and ice that coated her walls melted in his presence.

He grinned that goofy grin of his and met her embrace. "But I'll help you remember again."

~…~

He wasn't away so long again. He hadn't realized his sense of time had slipped away, much like his memories had. Elsa accepted his apology without thinking twice, and it was as though he never left. They talked into the wee hours of the morning, laughed at everything and nothing, and sometimes, he flew her out to the woods, where together, they'd run and laugh and play in the snow without fear of being caught.

It was cute that Jack often worried she'd get too cold, and she always responded with wit equal to his own. The cold never did bother Elsa, anyway.

His stays were not as long as the first, but he never left for more than a year at a time, returning Arendelle with a brilliant smile on his face when she was thirteen, then fourteen, then fifteen winters old...

As much as he was a part of all the best memories, he was her only companion during some of the worst times, too. Nothing could soothe her panic attacks quite like his voice, and his patience with her soon grew to astound her.

At fifteen winters, she realized that whatever they had…whatever she _felt_…it was more than friendship.

At sixteen winters, he didn't come back. It was harder to control her powers, and her fear increased.

At seventeen, she was still waiting. At seventeen, she finally understood why it was so easy to control her magic when he was there. She _couldn't _hurt him, even if she wanted to. She had no fear of hurting an immortal. Immortals…well, they couldn't be hurt.

Could they?

He had to be okay…

At eighteen, she doubted she knew what love was, if her memory of him couldn't keep her demons away.

~…~

"My parents are dead."

She didn't know how she knew it was him, but she knew. Her powers always could tell, so she didn't turn around to check, though she ached to. Her shoulders quaked.

"Elsa…"

She spun at the sound of his voice, her vision hazy with tears. "No, Jack! I…can't…I won't… Where the hell _were you_? I needed you! I needed…I couldn't…Anna and I…"

"Elsa," he whispered as she broke down before him. He was still taller than she was, and she fit more snuggly into his embrace now than she had when she was fifteen. "I am so sorry. I am so sorry."

His long fingers stroked her hair as she cried, releasing more tears than she had after the funeral. She had locked herself in her room, unable to comfort Anna, and had sat alone. Nothing but powers she didn't understand and couldn't control kept her company, even after all that Jack and her parents had tried to teach her…

When Jack wasn't there, her parents were, and now they were gone. They were gone, Anna could never know, and there was no guaranteeing Jack could be there for her, either.

She knew that now.

She was going to be queen. She needed to learn to control herself without him. Without her parents. She couldn't depend on them anymore to solve her problems. If she couldn't solve her own problems, how was she supposed to bear the weight of a whole kingdom's?

When her tears ebbed, she asked again, "Where were you, Jack?"

He pressed his lips to her hair. "There was a war in my world," he whispered.

"War?" she breathed, jolting upright. Her vision was still blurry, and she rubbed at her eyes.

"Nightmares were stirring," he said, "beasts and legends from the worst of humans' so-called _myths_ with them. I was…I tried to help—all Spirits were expected to, even if not all came to the call."

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm alright now." His tone suggested there were many things he was leaving unsaid. "We're all alright. We won."

She blinked, trying to see him clearly. He was fuzzy, indistinct. Maybe she finally had been driven mad. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I thought…"

"That doesn't matter now, Elsa. It's over. I'm back."

"But for how long?" she asked, almost bitterly. She hated herself for it. "You're immortal, Jack. I can't—we can't…It's not fair on either of us, is it?"

It took a moment for him to answer. "You're right. It's not fair, but saying that is easy. Easy isn't fun, is it?"

"This isn't a joke, Jack!" Elsa exclaimed. "It isn't a game. It's as though you're already beginning to fade…I can hardly _see _you, Jack…"

Jack's breath caught. "Wha—what? No, no, no."

She couldn't define his features very well, but his eyes blazed. Icy blue. The bluest she'd ever seen. "No, not you too, Elsa." He pressed his forehead to hers. "Not you."

"I—"

"You promised, Elsa," Jack said, his voice cracking. "You promised you wouldn't forget."

"I've remembered everything that matters!" she denied, fumbling for one of his hands. Her throat burned with the oncoming threat of more tears.

He shook his head. "You don't remember what it is to _believe_. You're forgetting how to believe, Elsa. Not just in me, but in everyone. You can't—"

"You can't tell me what it is I know and don't know," Elsa said, dropping his hand and pushing away from him. She steeled herself, a mask of apathy carefully arranged over her features. "I'm trying—I'm trying to make this easier on both of us."

"You're running away," Jack stated, his temper flaring. "Do you not care? Don't you—didn't we…?" He released a huff of air. "Do you _want _to push everyone out of your life?"

The mask cracked. "I _have_ to. Don't you see, Jack? I'm to be queen. Me! _Queen_." She laughed humorlessly. "I will do whatever it takes to keep my people safe, and if I must push away those I—" she swallowed harshly "—I care about, I will do it. A queen cannot be seen as vulnerable or weak. I have to be strong for a whole kingdom now, Jack, and I can't…I can't do that if I—"

His fuzzy form fiddled with his staff. "So Anna and I—we're distractions to you. Is that it?"

"No, no," Elsa pleaded for him to understand. Ice crackled around her, and she saw Jack's eyes tracking it. "No. I just…I need to learn how to stand on my own two feet before I can open myself enough to lean on someone else. My powers…"

"Deep breaths, Elsa," Jack attempted. "I don't think…"

"I need to do this, Jack," Elsa interrupted. She couldn't let herself be swayed. Not this time. "For myself."

Unable to look at him any longer, she turned and missed seeing the new slump in Jack's shoulders. "Okay. I don't agree with you, but I think I understand. I'll go."

"Thank you," she breathed.

From the corner of her eye, she saw him approach her open window and pause. "Just promise me one thing?"

"Of course."

"Don't forget what it is to believe."

~…~

At nineteen winters, Elsa didn't see Jack once, though by the time she was twenty, she had begun to suspect he watched her anyway.

At twenty winters, her poise and control was better than it had ever been. She pulled on her gloves every morning and repeated the mantra her father taught her. _Conceal. Don't feel. Don't let it show_.

Pushing aside her fear helped more than Jack's words ever did.

All the while, she tried not to think of his stinging accusation.

_I'm not running away._

At the age of twenty-one winters, Elsa thought she was ready. She thought she could handle the presence of so many people at her coronation. She thought she could battle her anxiety and maintain her solid front. She thought a great many things, but she was wrong.

As she fled from the palace, her sister and that idiot prince on her heels, all Elsa could think, rather ironically and hysterically, was: _well, Jack was right about the gloves_.

~…~

Elsa danced across the snow, reveling in the feeling of her power surging through her. Up in the mountains, without the constraint of the gloves or the pressure of Arendelle resting on her shoulders, she was free. She could race and play and not give a single damn.

So she did, and for the first time in a long time, Elsa could see the beauty of her powers manifesting before her very eyes. Her heart raced with something that wasn't fear, thrilling and energizing her, and after she tossed her crown and found herself watching dawn break over the mountains on the very balcony she created, Elsa raised her arms and laughed.

~…~

"I like what you've done with the place."

Spinning around, Elsa felt her power rise up inside her…until she looked up and fit the voice to the face. Jack smirked at her from the ice chandelier. "And I like what you've done with your hair."

"Jack," she scolded. "Gods, you scared me witless."

He grinned and floated down, landing in a graceful crouch. His blue eyes never left her, and after staring at her for an eternity, his grin broadened. Before Elsa could say a single word, offer a single apology, or ask a single question, he dropped his staff, took her face in his hands, and kissed her.

He tasted of mint and snow, and her pulse quickened when he pressed his tongue against her lips and then slipped into her willing mouth.

When he pulled away, he had never looked more beautiful to her than he did then. "What are you _doing_ here?"

Pressing his forehead against hers, Jack said, "I'm doing what I should have done when you tried to push me away."

"Didn't too good of a job of it, obviously," Elsa joked, her breath hitching when his lips trailed down her neck and settled at her pulse point.

"I never left," he said against her skin. "You just didn't see me. Because you didn't remember, until now."

"You…?"

"I saw your coronation. I tried to stay out of sight for the most part, but it was such a big day I came to see you, as you were getting ready. I told you you looked beautiful, but you…"

"Jack," Elsa said, the weight of what she'd done to him crashing onto her. "I am so sorry. I was wrong, and I broke my promise to you."

"You remembered in the end, that's what matter—Hey."

His abrupt change in conversation started her. "What is it?"

"You kept it," he said, his gaze fixated on the pendant resting at her breast.

Taking his first gift to her into her hand, she squeezed it. "Always."

She kissed him first this time.

~…~

Healing entirely wasn't as easy as that. Elsa had not been able to open up to her sister Anna in a long time, always blinded by her fear of what she could do…and _did. _Not once, but twice.

Jack had paved the way, but it had taken one determined sister, a few traveling companions, and a devious prince to finally _show_ Elsa what it was that Jack had been trying to tell her all along.

Shoving all of her emotions away had only been a temporary fix, and its dependency was unstable at best. Love, however, was eternal. It would not fail her when she needed it most, just as it would not fail the people who loved her in return, and she now believed that whole-heartedly.

Later in life, Elsa would hold her snowy-haired child close to her chest, Jack, Anna, and her goofball of a husband beside her, and think…

_That _was the one thing worth remembering.


End file.
